The Complete Guide to Being a Groom

by Jeremy Anderberg

Relatively speaking, grooms have it easy. It’s not our family that is traditionally responsible for budgeting or planning the wedding. And it’s the bride who’s usually much more interested and invested in how the whole shindig turns out. As the old cliché has it, the groom’s only responsibility is to show up on time. While that is indeed important, even the grooms of yesteryear were in fact responsible for more than being punctual. And the modern groom usually wants to be at least semi-involved with planning the big day too.

While you may not concern yourself with the flower arrangements, there are tasks before the wedding, during the big day itself, and afterwards that you are able, and expected, to take on. Let’s explore them in full with this comprehensive guide!

Planning Phase

Take Initiative to Make the Bride’s Life Easier

Your fiancé, from nearly the moment you put a ring on her finger, will likely be quite stressed out by wedding planning. Whether you agree with the reasons behind that stress doesn’t matter; your job is to mitigate it the best you can. If there’s anything on the following list that you can take charge of, do it. Don’t leave your bride-to-be with all the details, even if she lets you. Be involved, take initiative, and ensure that your engagement is a time of love, joy, and reflection rather than stressful fighting because you aren’t doing your part.

Speak Up About What Matters To You

There a few things that are generally given to the groom to handle. We’ll get to those later. There are also things that generally the bride takes care of, and of course things that you work on together. In any phase of planning, you have to be sure to speak up when something is important to you. If she doesn’t care about you seeing her dress, but you’d prefer to wait until the big day, it’s your job to make that known. If there are details about the menu that you care about, step in and voice your opinion. While the cliché that weddings are for brides and not for grooms, it’s half your party, and half your marriage, and you deserve to be heard when it’s something that matters to you.

Cede What Isn’t Important, But Have Input If Requested

For the average guy, there will be many parts of wedding planning that he simply doesn’t have an opinion on. From bridesmaid outfits, to invitations, to ceremony decor/themes/colors, to photographers, there are a number of things that brides typically handle themselves (along with a planner or mother). For many of these, you’re allowed to stay out of the way and just let things happen. Should you be asked for help, or for your input though, you should give it.

The hard part here, oftentimes, is actually having an opinion. There were a few instances in the planning of my wedding where my bride asked for input, only to hear me say, I have no preference, do whatever you want. In my mind this was the right thing to say…let her take charge! But that wasn’t what she wanted. What she truly wanted an opinion from her groom. A lady is faced with so many choices it can be rather overwhelming, and sometimes she just needs a simple vote to push her to one side of a decision or another. So give her peace of mind by picking whatever option you feel a slight preference for, while acting as if you feel quite decided on the matter.